deep rooted fear of penetration

Seb, First of all I'd just like to say that I really like your site. Secondly I wonder if you could offer some advice here. I'm a 32 year old male who has never had penetrative sex with either a man or a woman. I've often wondered why this is. Without wishing to sound vain I'm not physically unattractive and I'm a pleasant person to be with. Last year I had to leave work because of depression and go into counselling. It took me a while to begin to explore the deeper aspects of my psyche but eventually I managed to start talking about various traumatic events that had happened to me while I was younger. This included being abused by a variety of teachers at different schools and having the shit kicked out of me when I was 17. This led to severe depression, self harming and a non existence social life for about 11 years. I've always enjoyed masturbation and I've experimented with a vibrator on myself but I have this deep rooted fear about penetration. The odd thing is that I have managed to deal with other aspects of my sexuality more successfully. Earlier this year I started seeing a very good professional dominatrix in London who specialises in adult baby and spanking fetishes. I've gained a lot of confidence since seeing her but in penetrative sex terms I would feel more comfortable making my first explorations with another guy. I'm currently weaning myself off anti-depressant at the moment and as these have an effect on my libido I'd like to be off them before I possibly plan a session with you. I'm not really sure what I'd want to do so maybe its something we could discuss. As I said i enjoy masturbation and using a dildo on myself so I think I'd enjoy being fucked. My mistress has suggested to me that I also explore submitting to another guy so maybe this is something we could talk about as well. I wouldn't probably feel emotionally ready for that in the first place as I really need to deal with my bodies emotional and physical need to have sex first of all but I like to keep an open mind. (R)

Hello Mate, Let me start by saying their is no rush, there is plenty of time. You must take things at your own pace. Saying that you have to gently move the agenda on. Take a chance, do things that scare you a little, as this will give you a great energy, it's a bit of a circle really. I have several clients who see "getting fucked" as a therapy. If they are feeling a bit down they go and get well fucked and find this gives them an energy to cope with things, as I said it's a bit of a circle really. But then there's more to men than simply fucking, or getting fucked. Have you thought about taking up a physical discipline, like kick boxing for example? If you are a bit shy you could try a few private lessons before you take part in an actual class. Feel free to give me a call 07974 805*** for a chat. Or maybe even to organise a session. I wish you lots of love and penetration. Remember you need to learn to ride before you learn to be fucked, you need to take contol. Seb

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